Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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