Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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