My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize