sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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