were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
