just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
