from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
