Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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