I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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