Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
