i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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