Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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