P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
