i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
