he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
