i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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