News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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