have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
