Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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