If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
