Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
