It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
