what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
