She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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