making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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