she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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