finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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