i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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