i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
