Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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