she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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