This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
