I hope mine doesn't look like that
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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