I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
