guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
