You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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