Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
