so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
