dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
