Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
