90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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