Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
