the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
whose parrot is this?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
