HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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