i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
