you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
