She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize