Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
