I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
