I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
