I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
