Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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