My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
