i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i now understand why vodka
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
