chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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