His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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