I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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