he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
