even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
