How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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