brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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