where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
