Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize