so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
