Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
