Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
