Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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