haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
