Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
